I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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