i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
