can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
