In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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