My underwear smells like fireworks.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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