I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
