I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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