im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
