I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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