The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
