take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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