Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
