He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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