Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
