I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
3 2 1 whiskey
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
