both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
