Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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