You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
