I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Everything about him screamed your future.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
