How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
