did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
