i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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