I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
