1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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