around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
