i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
