Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
