can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
