I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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