It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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