She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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