I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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