so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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