i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
