The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
