By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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