Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
