If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
