Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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