I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
