dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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