Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
