You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
