my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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