If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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