Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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