You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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