Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
