he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
