So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
