I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
