i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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