entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
organizing the empties. That sober.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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