I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
