I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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