i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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