Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want nice things and good sex
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
