I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
