And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
