u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
